Let Courage Be Your North Star
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Poetry

Early on, poetry became a medium to explore my inner world. When difficult emotions arose, I quickly turned away from them, overwhelmed by the feelings and unaware how to process and release them. Poetry writing came very naturally to me. I wrote my first thoughtful poem in 2002. I often didn't feel safe talking to others about what was going on, so I started writing down all the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing related to specific events at the time. After completing a poem, I soon discovered how freeing it felt to purge my emotional body.

I don't write much when I am content, I'm busy immersing myself in those wonderful present moments. Most all my poetry is a raw reflection of the shadow side, the parts we like to keep hidden from the world, especially ourselves. If a poem of mine resonates with you, I hope it gently tugs at your heart, an opportunity for you to accept, release, or resolve any emotional pain still residing within. I hope they encourage you to honor your feelings. Lastly, I hope it brings you comfort, you're not alone.
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The Fortress
Why can’t I feel?
I’m so at lost with how to deal
The darkness stuck inside
It overwhelms me, I try to hide

And I wonder, how to console
When I feel, there is no control

As I gaze into the moon throughout the night
Begging, pleading, to the sun to grace its light
And a promise to myself, I will be alright

I feel so numb
It’s hard for me to overcome
That hazy shadow, I cannot name
It’s that obstacle, I can’t explain

And I wonder, what to do
I’m so frightened, I’ll hurt you

As I gaze into the moon throughout the night
Voiceless, quiet, heavy heart, body tight
But a promise to myself my future I’ll rewrite

When I reject
By shutting down, I disconnect
From the fear, I isolate
In this walled up fortress, that I create

And I wonder, how to let go
When protecting, is all that I know

As I gaze into the moon throughout the night
Stricken worry, frozen fear, fight or flight
But a promise to myself my inner fire is bright

 

Drawn to You
When did your soul connect to me
Your lovely aura I can see
When you’re here I don’t know what to do
But my energy wants to explore with you

Placing your skin next to mine
As our senses start to intertwine
When you’re here I don’t know what to do
But my body wants to be close to you

Never felt like this before
And I’m yearning for more
With you

In my thoughts, all day and night
I dream of you, your halo white
When you’re here I don’t know what to do
But my mind wants to align with you

Breathing in as you breath out
Take you in as it moves throughout
When you’re here I don’t know what to do
But my heart wants to feel with you

Never felt like this before
And I’m yearning for more
With you

 

Chasing Ghosts
Chasing ghosts in the here and now
why you haunt me, I don't know how
you continue to dance into my nightly dreams
attention I seek, I play on various teams

I need you gone, yet you don't even know
it means healing my wounds and perhaps letting go
a saddened empty seat, a one-way conversation
you're repeated figment of my darkest creation
I can hide my secret lust, which fuels the forbidden fire
living out every detail and deceptive desire
if only memories so easily burned and simply erased
perhaps my confused conscious would be pure and chaste
how do you scrub the beautiful fantasy from the real
perhaps scared of the truth which is hard to conceal
buried down deep, what if I can't replicate
through control, have I sealed my intentional fate
help me escape, please help me make peace
to the imagery and feelings I don't want to release
I aim to be loyal, I want to live in the here and now
I need your guidance, creator, I don't know how

 


Willow Tree

Didn’t tell anyone I cry at that song
Because I am supposed to be over you
If you loved me, why did you walk away
I’m the wildflower under your willow tree

Our unfinished book and dusty pages
All that is unsaid between you and me
I fill the empty chapters in with fantasy
I’m the wildflower under your willow tree

I never know how you really feel
Are you just trying to keep the peace
Does the nectar not want the honey bee
I’m the wildflower under your willow tree

The moon we see, our connective point
Like we are sitting side by side
Over mountains, valleys and open sea
I’m the wildflower under your willow tree

 

The Lady in Waiting
Let me serve you my queen
Yes your wish is my command
My old mistress, now dethroned
I witnessed everything firsthand 

Before mysteries came to pass
Ladies in waiting, friends we were
Spring turned into a harsh winter
Then fragile lines became blurred

Castle walls thinly vailed
Secrets never stay inside
But you know this already
Even though you try to hide

They say the truth will set you free
Yet you have published the manuscript
With power you shunned us all away
Like your reputation you have stripped

Every time you are curtsied
Each morning I bring you tea
I look at you with my hazel eyes
You can’t keep secrets from me

My honor is my northern star
And when I leave, my gift to you
A little whisper upon your golden ear
I’m not the only person who always knew

 

Grade A
You gave me the blue ribbon, a pretty cattle amongst the herd
Your darling little calfling, over others, it’s I, you always preferred

The perfect grade A meat, so fine for your delicate taste
Yet you branded me with scars, threw me out with the whoreish waste

Of course I would believe you, angelic words of proclaim
Yet I watch as you take iron to the stone and heated flame

Again as history promises, your metal into my skin
Confused by your betrayal, The Henry to his Anne Bolyen

The praise and those sweet words are faded memories of yourself
You’ve scarred my lovely body, stained the tapestry of myself

How could you slowly tear at the canvas of my soul
I’m still the perfect Grade A girl and you’re the master of A-holes

 

Freedom Flame
The only key, no ones here to rescue me
Each day I make a choice

Breath it in, as it dances across my skin
And I feel it fade away

My curious desire, fuels my courageous fire
Through the red flame I am free

The inner fear, begs my saddened tears
To carry away the pain

Healing hurt and blame, I will never be the same
A new layer of self love

Letting it go, if you could only know
How beautiful you truly are

 

Lessons
Challenge me, label me, it’s what you do best
Categorize me, does that comfort you?
My blood, my body is mine and let me decide who I am
No lies, no prize, just truth
My skin is not a book, don’t judge me by my cover
It’s not up to you anymore
I’m not asking your permission
I am not asking for your advice
I know who I am, where I belong, and who I claim
Forget your rules, your standards
My skin may deceive but I know where I come from
My blood doesn’t lie
If you want to know who I am
Ask

 

The Key
In the darkness when it hurts so bad
The pain itself, it burns
With the next breath that you take
In that quiet space you learn

Take the key into your heart and let it turn
Release the angry dove into the earth
Open up into the unknown deep inside
Embrace the grey, the power of rebirth

In the shadow when you judge yourself
The guilt and shame you relive
With the next breath that you take
The opportunity to forgive 

Take the key into your heart and let it turn
Release the saddened dove into the sky
Whats come to leave is a mystery to me
Look within, a feeling you can’t deny

In the corners when it follows you
You want to run away from inside
In the next breath that you take
And you realize you can’t hide

Take the key into your heart and let it turn
Release that fearful dove into the stars
Raw and scared the open wounds seem hard to bear
The fire will heal, all is left is the freedom scars

 

Trapped
I feel you stuck inside
Im begging you, please go
I didn’t ask you here to stay
Give permission, fade away

How do I lift your bond
I have your golden pen
Shadow your not welcome here
Make a deal, you disappear

No control, what have I done
Paralyzed, I’m trapped so still
By myself, I’m nervous scared
Never feels like I'm prepared

It is time to feel the past
I can, it wants to leave
Safe today it can’t hurt me
Won’t resist and your now free

 

Slowly Fade Away
When we touched, my soul lit up
We have met a lifetime before
Our karma unites, we join again
Unknowing how this turn will end

In human form, yet a ghostly veil
You hesitate to let me in
Your castle walls, so dark and grey
No invitation for an extended stay

Outside your walls, I sit and wait
For the bridge to lower down
Your hand extends, my smile wide
We laugh and dance, but then you hide

Before I leave, you appear to me
Your hand extends to mine
With confidence you move my way
But as we kiss, you fade away

When you call, my hope ignites
Today must be the day
The moment bliss, my hearts been fed
But find myself in your empty bed

Again I wait outside your walls
Tears dancing across my face
I want love that is evergreen
But my prince isn’t ready for a queen

 

Xoxo
Red hot gasoline to my fire, the daffodil sprung from the seed,
The confident she wolf, given the push that she needs

To deserve something more, to inferno your selfish game,
changed in my phone "you don’t deserve me" insert your last name

Your ego so big, you probably think I'm talking about you,
Maybe so Casanova but I got my own chess game too

You think your the only boy who wants into my lovely pants,
Get over yourself, and no you don’t get another chance

Do you think your random check ins keep you relevant and near,
I’m giving you back wasted time, your calendars free and clear

All evidence of toxic lust has been erased or lite ablaze,
Promise me when I tell you I don’t need your rehearsed praise

My solid circle showers me enough with love and care,
And baby to myself having the most epic love affair

They say the best revenge is to live well and with joy,
Check on that Ken, time to find your next Barbie toy

I’m signing off like Gotye thank you for the personal gift,
No hard feelings, wish you well, xoxo your Taylor Swift

 

Oil and Water
Remembering that old familiar deep pain
Fooling myself to think I'd come out unstained

With a close of my eyes, my lips separate
The words flow out slowly as you contemplate

Can't you see I'd hope things would change
You cannot deny we have become estranged

How I wish you would see the issue at hand
And alter my perfect happy ever after dreamland

I'm always trying to save, I'm always trying to fix
But your drugs and alcohol, they just don't mix

I'll never be that girl who sits quietly and takes
I will not be the one who blindly participates 

You have lost your gem, a diamond in the rough
Someone whose not afraid to say she has had enough

 

Moth
I'm mad at her, the innocent soul
Her beautiful petals, my security she stole

The moth, my love, has broken trust
Over a moments flutter of youthful lust

It's not her fault, yet my envious eyes
Can't erase her image, the deceitful lies

A weed in her garden, her lady in waiting
Her highness her blooms, too captivating

Plays her sultry sonata on her baroque violin
Like a moth to a flame, her red light draws him in

I will never be her, how can I compete
Would her sweet nectar dupe my lover to cheat

 

In the Shadows
A pedestal there, you sit above me
I trust you, but then I don't
The grey words you speak, replay in my mind
Our status, my role, for me undefined

In private your queen, our secret life
I understand, but then I don't
To the world and you, in the shadows I hide
It was me who was supposed to be your bride

Again you fill my heart full of hope
I justify, but then I don't
Are you afraid to cause me further pain
Unintentional wounds, the scars remain

 

I Do
When I wake up in the morning, I see your face
Feeling close, our energy it weaves, inside our space

Here I waited for a man
Who followed through to take my hand
At the alter I can’t wait

To say… I do…
I love you

In that moment you kneeled down at me, I see the ring
Promise me that I will be your queen, and you my king

Here I waited for today
With my vintage chic bouquet
At the alter I cant wait

To say… I do…
I love you

Close to you I feel secure and safe, I see our life
In the future as you wanted me, to be your wife

Here I waited to say yes
In my white and lacey dress
At the alter I can’t wait

To say… I do…
I love you

 

Home
The princess hurt by princes before
Would she ever find true love
Like Alfred and Victoria, she patiently waits
For the one to be her true soulmate

One day she meets a quiet man
Loyal, humble, and kind
Like Nathanial and Cora, she wants to stay
He promises to kiss her past pain away

In shortened time, she falls in love
Finally meeting her handsome king
Like Arthur and Gwen, she feels like a beautiful queen
To the most amazing man she has ever seen

Her feelings new, thinks all day of him
How she yearns to be in his arms
Like Wyatt and Josephine, their passion deep
Holding her delicate heart in trust he keeps

He tends with love to his castle walls
To make her feel at home
Like Robin and Merriam, plan their adventurous life
So she can be a mother and his future wife